Cheating: Breaks Hearts and Destroys Lives

cheating spouseCheating breaks hearts, destroys lives as well as whole families. There is no viable excuse for cheating, just ones that make the cheater feel vindicated. The list of excuses are long, apologies made without sincerity, but in the end, people get hurt. Many who’s partners cheat even make excuses for them, or even take the blame. Often the hardest hit in these situations are the children.

Cheating Excuses

Let’s take a look at some of the reasons, actually excuses, used for cheating. My partner doesn’t understand me is used a lot. We don’t love each other anymore. My partner changed and is not the person I fell in love with in the beginning. My partner works too much, the kids take up too much of their time, the list is endless. What it all comes down to are empty excuses. Do these things happen in a relationship, yes they actually do happen, but is the answer to cheat? No, cheating is not the answer, it’s just an excuse to make the person doing the cheating feel better. Lately I’m noticing a rise in the excuse being used is sexual addiction. I guess if that excuse works for high profile people is should work for you. Sexual addiction is a real problem, I understand and there is treatment available for those actually suffering from it, but my worry it’s being used as an excuse by many who just need to justify their actions.

Cheating Blame

Many of the excuses I listed above are ways of putting the blame on your partner. Sadly, so often the person being cheated on will blame themselves. Blaming the person they cheated with is easy. You have to push the blame onto someone else because you don’t want to take responsibility for your own actions. It never fails to amaze me at the many times the person being cheated on will hate and put all the blame onto the other person in the equation. The bottom line is they are not the one cheating on you, it’s your partner. That other person may not even know your partner is in a relationship or married, especially if it’s just a one-night stand. You have no idea what your partner is telling that other person, even to the point of leaving you and staying with them.

Do marriages and partnerships have problems? Do they often end in splitting up? Yes, to both of these questions because in reality, people do change, can fall out of love, or just need to move on, but cheating is not the answer. There are several ways to work through your problems, and the first is to communicate. Sometimes counseling can help you both open up, talk through your problems and help work through them. If your partner doesn’t realize you feel there are problems with the relationship, they won’t know to try to fix things. The reality of life is not every relationship can be fixed and the alternative is to end and leave.

I swear if I hear one more person use the excuse they cheat, rather than leave, because they don’t want to hurt their partner or their children, my head will explode. Can you honestly justify cheating will hurt them less than leaving? Wake up and smell the coffee, leaving will hurt but not leave the scars, diminish the self-confidence or affect them nearly as much as staying around and cheating.

Once a cheater, always a cheater, true or false? I think it truly depends on the person. One thing to understand, if they cheated on their former partner with you, stands to reason they might just cheat on you too. If they are compulsive cheaters, please don’t think you can change them, because chances are, they don’t want to be changed. People make mistakes, we are all human, it happens. Can the relationship withstand that mistake? It all depends on how strong the relationship was to begin with, and can they regain your trust. It’s easy for people to say if my partner cheated, that’s the end and you’re gone. Not so easy if you are the one involved in the relationship, so only you can decide to stay or leave.

Apologies are only worth accepting if they are sincere. Too often they are only given to shut you up and forget the mistake. Actions speak louder than words, I’m sure you’ve all heard this, but in the case of apologies, it can’t be more true. If your partner apologies but then continues to cheat, it’s not sincere and will only cause you to lose more trust. People say “I’m sorry” so easily, but if it has no meaning behind the words, it’s just words.

Trust is one of the foundations for any good relationship, and one that is most often lost. Once the trust is gone, it isn’t easy to regain. We can see this with friendships, but have a hard time seeing in a relationship. Cheating is lying, no doubt, and once that lie is out, it’s hard to trust if anything you’ve said is real. It destroys trust, causing you to rethink the whole relationship and if it’s built on lies. If you lie about where you are going when you are cheating, then every time you leave the house that doubt comes in to play.

Can the relationship be saved after someone cheats? It truly depends on so many factors, but mostly on the two people involved in the relationship. If the apology is real, if the cheating is over and if trust can be regained, then it’s a good possibility the relationship can be saved. If the cheating continues after they say it will stop, then it’s not a relationship worth working to fix because it takes two to fix it and if only one of you are working at it, it’s pointless.

Men and women both cheat, both make excuses for their behavior. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female, stop and think about the hurt you cause, the broken hearts and the lives that are destroyed by your actions. If you are unsatisfied, unhappy or whatever reason you use, just leave the relationship, because if you stay and continue cheating, it’s because you are selfish, not just unhappy.

ms yvonne

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